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Television »

Snooki Pact With Satan Revealed!

The inexplicable rise of Snooki Polizzi on Jersey Shore due to deal with the Devil.


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Celebrity »

A Look At Lindsay Lohan’s Jail Cell

The former star will be punished thoroughly in this cell, which was recently upgraded to five stars in the Forbes travel guide.


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Movies »

Hollywood To Adapt Child’s Drawing Into Film

The crude Crayola drawing to be blockbuster trilogy.


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Celebrity »

Mel Gibson Subliminal Rant!

Explosive rant contains subliminal Christian message. Church leaders praise Gibson’s initiative.


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Celebrity »

Steinbrenner Dies!

Heart attack fells millionaire sociopath. Yankees said to be looking carefully at free agent market.


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Celebrity »

Lindsay Lohan SCRAM Monitor Ordered To Wear SCRAM Monitor

The SCRAM anklet assigned to Lindsay Lohan’s leg has suffered ill effects, judge acts out of concern for the device.


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Celebrity, Music »

Slipknot Death Proves Death Metal Band Bad For Health

Brigham Young researchers find death metal band members hate life, often die. Obama vows to fight this new threat to America.


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Movies, Technology »

Finance Company To Provide Loans For Movie Tickets

Hollywood-backed lender will grant small loans in order for average moviegoers to still enjoy theatrical experience. Consumer advocacy groups suspicious.


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Movies »

Obama Signs Ban On 3D Announcements

President says that the announcements are “lame,” encourages Hollywood to find another gimmick.


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Music »

Justin Bieber Attacks Greyson Michael Chance!

Fight occurred backstage at Ellen show over haircut, talent, Twitter trending.


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