HOLLYWOOD – Industry observers were confused by the recent signing of Ashton Kutcher to the long-running CBS series Two and a Half Men, wondering aloud what kind of role Kutcher might take in order to replace the departed Charlie Sheen’s popular playboy character. Many felt that series producer Chuck Lorre signed former model Kutcher in order to fill the “sexy playboy” dynamic Sheen’s character once provided.
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Not so, says Lorre in an exclusive interview with Celebrity Freakshow. Instead, Kutcher will be replacing Angus Jones as the “half man” of the show’s title.
For those unfamiliar with the repetitive series, the show involved Sheen’s playboy character Charlie taking in his uptight brother Alan (played by Jon Cryer) and Alan’s young son Jake (Jones) when Alan goes through a divorce. The show was wildly popular despite being a remake of The Odd Couple with a kid. The series got its name as a jokey reference to the fact that Jones, who was only ten when the series began, was only “half of a man” in comparison to his two much-older series co-stars..
With the sudden departure of Sheen, Lorre was faced with a series that was, at best, stuck with a misleading title. “I didn’t know what to do,” said Lorre, “because we had a show that had one man (Cryer) and Angus, who is now nineteen years old and very much a man as well.” Producers kicked around the idea of restarting the series under a new title. “We seriously considered calling it Two Men for a while, but we hated to lose the connection to the old series,” admitted Lorre.
Lorre found his solution in an unlikely place – Twitter. “I was on Twitter stalking Charlie Sheen when I saw some tweets from Ashton Kutcher,” said Lorre, “and I thought, ‘This guy has the mentality of a nine year old … he could be the half man we’ve been looking for!’”
Subsequent meetings with Kutcher confirmed Lorre’s suspicions. “The guy is a stone-cold retard,” said Lorre, laughing. “Years of living with Demi Moore have turned whatever brain material he once had into a thick, unpleasant pudding.” Lorre admitted that he never explained to Kutcher that the series title is now a joke about his masculinity. “Kutcher was an underwear model, for cryin’ out loud. He’s not concerned with his masculinity even if he could spell the word or understand its meaning,” said Lorre, chortling.
For Jones, this is a welcome relief. “I actually have pubic hair and fuck chicks and make millions of dollars, and I’m pretty sick of being called ‘Half Man’ all the time,” said Jones. Added Lorre: “Angus is a man now and not really a ‘Half Man’ anymore, so I’m glad we managed to find someone like Ashton with the mental and physical capabilities to take on that role.”
Like Sheen, Kutcher’s name on the show will be the actor’s actual first name so as to not confuse him further.
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