Las Vegas tipsters radically updated their prognostications today regarding the Lohan family fortunes, with bettors around the world jumping on the new odds.
The odds of Lindsay Lohan dying of a drug overdose jumped up to 1-9, sparking a furious investment by most Lohan watchers. In regards to her imminent demise, other close odds among active bets included:
- Lindsay falling into active volcano (while drunk) : 3-2 odds
- Lindsay being torn apart by UFO (while trying to insert it into her vagina): 4-1 odds
- Lindsay dying (from overdose) and becoming the Star Child: 10-1 odds.
Bets have been curiously high recently for the rest of the Lohan family as well. Betting has been furious for the possibilities awaiting family patriarch Michael Lohan. In addition to getting shot by a Perez Hilton reader (odds: 4-2), other highly-prized bets include:
- Michael Lohan’s brain forgetting to breathe: 5-3 odds
- Michael Lohan sex tape: 8-1 odds
- Michael Lohan is possessed by spirit of P.T. Barnum: 20-1 odds
Mother Dina Lohan has only one possibility currently making oddsmakers drool: 3-2 odds that she will die from an orange-colored melanoma. In related news, the odds that a non-existent Supreme Being will create itself in order to smite the entire Lohan family rose to 75%.
Ali Lohan had no comment on this story.
Lyons And Mankiewicz Fired From <em>At The Movies</em>
