Bob Dylan To Make Arbor Day Record To Benefit AIG
Hot on the heels of his wildly successful Christmas album, Bob Dylan has set his lyrical sights on another misunderstood holiday. Tentatively titled Logjam, the new album will encourage celebration of the often overlooked Arbor Day.
And like his Christmas album, the new album will feature corporate tie-in sponsorship. This time, Dylan has partnered with floundering financial giant AIG in a blockbuster deal sure to be the envy of every anti-establishment folk hero.
Although the songs have been a closely guarded secret, a Dylan spokesman confirmed that many of the tracks do actually involve trees. But an industry insider who managed to hear some of the tracks insisted that this album is anything but environmentally-friendly. A track listing that appeared on the internet seems to confirm this, with song titles like The Trees They Are A-Burnin’, Pave The Forests, and Fuck Trees.
When asked about this disturbing change in musical direction, Dylan cryptically responded that “corporate America knows what’s best for us, and right now we need to get rid of trees before they give us another swine flu.”
Many of Dylan’s fans are outraged. Daniel Christopher, head of the Bob Dylan Fantasy League, responded angrily to the latest career move by his beloved folk singer. “Dylan used to be anti-establishment,” said the rotund founder in a telephone interview, “but now the guy is sucking the teet of the beast.”
In response, Dylan issued a statement consisting of his stock portfolio, along with a note that said, in part, “I want to have money so I don’t need to live like Mr. Christopher and all the other insignificant worker drones of society.”
The album will hit stores in the first part of the fiscal year. President Obama has promised a tax credit to everyone purchasing the album within the first week of sales.
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