When worldwide singing sensation Celine Dion conceived and delivered her first child in 2001, doctors called it a miracle baby considering her age. Now the singer is preparing to deliver her second child, this time with the help of the Dark Lord of the Underworld, Satan the Devil.
In the newest issue of 7 Jours, a French magazine that covers music and movies, Dion reveals for the first time how she was approached by Satan to bear a child that will eventually grow up to be the Antichrist. “I was tired of my husband Rene (Angelil) incompetently trying to impregnate me with his old, withered sperm,” said Dion, presumably in her irritating voice. “I wanted a child, so the Devil made me an offer I simply could not refuse.”
In the interview, Dion talks about what it was like to be inseminated by a demonic presence. “While Rene stood in the corner and watched, Beelzebub bent me over the bed and entered me from behind,” said Dion. “Rene masturbated like a lonely seventh grader while I made passionate love to this evil spirit creature,” Dion said, adding that “it was the best fuck I’ve ever had.”
Dion said that the demon made only one request. “He told me I had to be gagged during our love making,” said Dion, “because he didn’t want to hear my high-pitched shrieking.”
Once the demon climaxed, it vanished. Dion knew she was pregnant shortly thereafter, when she urinated on a carpet and started flying around the room. “It was a magical time,” said Dion, laughing hysterically.
The singer is due to deliver her demon baby in a few short weeks. She gave the magazine a sneak preview of the Earth’s new demonic ruler in the form of an ultrasound picture taken just last month. “He’s so adorable for a pint-sized ball of evil that will destroy all life on the planet,” said Dion. “I’m thinking about naming him Harry.”
Here is a picture of our new ruler:
Ultrasound of the baby Celine Dion conceived with the Devil taken August, 2010. Bow to your new Antichrist, you worthless scum!
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