ComCast Cable To Add 300 More Blank Channels
With over 1000 channels available to their subscribers, ComCast has been seen as the leader in cable entertainment for thirty years. But today the cable giant announced an additional 300 channels will be added to its industry-leading lineup.
“The upgrade was necessary in order to remain ahead of our competition,” said ComCast spokeperson Nancy Franklin. “We simply didn’t have enough room for the type of programming our customers expect.”
While most of the channels will feature blank pages and static, Franklin promises that ComCast will fill some of them with the essentials that cable customers desire. “We currently only have fifteen channels of religious programming,” said Franklin, “but we intend to double that. In fact, we want to give the very popular Mother Mary Angelica her own channel, so people can benefit from her sexless advice all day long.” Franklin adds that the religious channels are the bread and butter of cable television. “Religious channels full of nuns and priests give people a sense of comfort, and they are by far everyone’s favorite.”
But if that massive dose of religion wasn’t enough, ComCast also plans to add several more infomercial channels, including an entire channel devoted to Ronco products. Says Franklin: “The simple fact is that infomercials are terrific entertainment. They’re thrilling and useful at the same time.”
When pressed about whether this expansion will cause cable rates to rise, Franklin was evasive, but assured everyone that “the perceived value of having 300 more channels of static and religious channels is well worth any additional cost to the consumer.”
Leave your response!