When three year old Bethany Stephens of Winchester, Connecticut drew her happy little scene, she couldn’t imagine that her crude Crayola drawing would become the next highly anticipated summer blockbuster. Of course, it helps to have the imagination and vision of Jerry Bruckheimer.
Fresh off his success with The Sorcerer’s Apprentice, Bruckheimer announced that he would be adapting Stephens’ simple doodle into a major motion picture. ”That picture has everything that anyone could possibly want in a summer film,” said Bruckheimer, drooling slightly onto his $1,500 suit.
The winning picture shows four smiling, orb-like beings with rainbows for hair. That’s all it takes to make $50 million in first-weekend grosses, said the scintillating producer behind some of Hollywood’s most amazing entertainments. When pressed for details about the possible plot of this film, Bruckheimer became defensive. “Look, they’re making a fucking Ant-Man movie,” he said tersely. “Let’s just say that they’ll be four superheroes who shoot rainbows out of the top of their fucking heads. Nobody gives a shit as long as there are special effects.”
As for the Stephens family, they have only one regret. “We wish we would have held out for more money,” said Andy Stephens, Bethany’s father. “When Mr. Bruckheimer said he wanted to make Bethany’s drawing into a film, we thought he was joking, so we agreed,” said Bethany’s mother, Tammy. Since the family had no idea Bruckheimer was serious, they agreed to give Bruckheimer full rights to the drawing in exchange for dinner at the Bruckheimer estate. “Frankly, the food kinda sucked,” said Andy regretfully, “and Mr. Bruckheimer never even showed. You just can’t trust those Hollywood types.”
No comment from Bethany, who is busily working on the sequel.
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