James Cameron Vow: I Will Only Steal Unpublished Stories
Director James Cameron has held many titles in his career - filmmaker, ocean explorer, award winner, asshole – but one title in particular upsets him more than any other: THIEF.
The award winning director of TITANIC, TERMINATOR, and AVATAR has dodged the plagiarism accusations for years. Writer Harlan Ellison successfully sued Cameron in the nineties (it was settled out of court) after Cameron used large chunks of an Ellison story as the basis of the TERMINATOR franchise. More recently, the estate of writer Poul Anderson has raised concerns over Cameron’s blatant theft of Anderson’s 1957 story CALL ME JOE for his upcoming blockbuster AVATAR.
However, Cameron believes he has finally figured out how to avoid such embarrassing allegations: steal unpublished stories. “Unpublished stories by unpublished authors are a goldmine for someone like me, who is genetically unable to invent my own stories,” said the director at a recent press luncheon. Added Cameron: “The best part is, nobody’s ever read the stories, so it all seems fresh and new!”
This new approach prevents Cameron from having to deal with pesky lawsuits and bad press. “I have a vast fortune thanks to my lengthy career of ripping people off, so any little unpublished author would have a difficult time suing me,” said Cameron. “Published authors, especially famous one like Anderson, present legal problems that unpublished authors do not.”
Cameron is quick to point out that unpublished authors need to pay their dues in order to succeed, and being stolen from by “the world’s most famous director” is one way to do that. “Show business is all about stealing from someone else,” said the director, “but just make sure you’re getting the money that they’re not.”
For Cameron, the issue is Darwinian. “Ultimately, unpublished authors are unworthy of respect or other artistic rights. I am a famous movie director, and I will continue to steal the work of others in order to make even more money,” said Cameron, “but from now on it will be the work of pathetic nobodies, instead of established authors.”
Cameron has set up a website to enable unpublished authors to submit their work for theft directly. “That saves me a tremendous amount of time from searching the internet for unpublished stories to steal,” said Cameron. All site applicants will be required to agree to a legal contract that relinquishes their rights to the submitted material, and also that James Cameron is, in fact, the “King of the World.”
Said Cameron, smiling: “It’s good to be King.”
Leave your response!