This was supposed to be the perfect day for singer/musician Kevin Jonas or the popular teen musical act The Jonas Brothers. He married his longtime girlfriend Danielle Deleasa in a private ceremony on December 19th, trading his purity ring in for one more serious and more enjoyable.

But, to his surprise, none of the fans of the band cared. The eldest Brother tweeted that he felt betrayed by the fanbase, who had followed his band around the world screaming their heads off.

For Jonas Brothers fanclub president Julie Murphy, the answer to this mysterious nonchalance is simple: Kevin Jonas is ugly. Murphy says that Kevin “is not nearly as cute as Nick or Joe.” Added Murphy: “Who cares if Kevin got married? He’s ugly. He might as well be dead.” When asked what her reaction might be to attractive brothers Nick or Joe getting married, Murphy pointed to a noose already fastened to a beam in her garage. “See that?” she asked, motioning toward the gallows, “I will be swinging from that before Nick or Joe ever finish their vows.” 

All of this is news to Kevin, who always mistakenly thought the girls were screaming for him. He tweeted that he ”wanted to die because of what these teenaged girls think about me.”

There was also no reaction from fans about Kevin’s suicide threats.

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