Lindsay Lohan Pioneers “Old Druggie” Trend In Fashion
Lindsay Lohan made her mark in Hollywood with a series of spirited films that revelled in her fresh-faced beauty.
But now Lohan has shocked Hollywood and the world of fashion with her latest look, which is receiving high praise from every important fashionista. Lohan has managed to transform herself into a highly-intoxicated 40 year old woman.
Designer Tommy Hilfiger has publicly praised the daring new look, which he predicts will be ”the sexiest new trend of 2010.” Supermodel/talk show host Tyra Banks adds that “only Lindsay could pull off that look so well. I wish I could instantly age twenty years and look so graceful doing it.”
The actress, only 23 chronological years old, credits a steady diet of cigarettes, illegal drugs, weeks without sleep, and anonymous semen facials for her transformation. In a recent press conference, Lohan admitted being tired of her “good girl” persona. “People think I’m some damned Disney chick,” slurred Lohan over a highball, “but I’m not. And this new look will end that once and for all.”
People close to the actress are stunned in awe by Lohan’s change. “I’m always trying to look younger,” said mother Dina Lohan, “but not Lindsay. She looks as old as me now, but she still looks better! Amazing!” Father Michael Lohan admitted that Lindsay’s new look is more than simply a pleasant change. “She now looks like someone I might date, actually,” he said at another hastily-called press conference. “Now she looks like someone who would be a real wildcat in bed.”
The only person voicing outrage over Lindsay’s new look is ex-girlfriend Samantha Ronson. In a telephone interview, Ronson said: “I was doing the unwashed, drugged-out, older-looking thing long before Firecrotch ever did.” In retaliation, Ronson plans to have her face surgically aged, and add more bags and circles beneath her eyes. She’s also starting a controversial procedure to have cigarette smoke pumped into her body intravenously. “We’ll see who looks older now,” said Ronson bitterly.
As for Lohan, she’s already moving on to her next look and leaving the fashion world in her wake. “I’m thinking about showing up to premieres with heroin needles sticking out of my arms and legs,” said Lohan. She added: “I think that will be a major look in 2011.”
Courtney Love could not be contacted for a comment.
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