In an unusual move, Judge Revel ordered that a SCRAM alcohol-monitoring device be attached to the SCRAM device currently attached to the leg of former actress Lindsay Lohan.
The judge stated that when the SCRAM device was attached to Lohan’s left leg on Monday, it became erractic, started slurring, and eventually puked behind a trash can outside an Uncle Bill’s pancake house. SCRAM technicians blame the behavior on the alarming amounts of alcohol and drugs coursing through Lohan’s veins. They state this is the first time for such an occurrence in the ten year history of the monitoring system.
In response, Judge Revel decided to have another SCRAM device attached to Lohan’s device, in order to monitor the blood-alcohol level of the device. Revel said that the move was done because she feared for the health and safety of Lohan’s SCRAM, which would need to operate in “close proximity to the highest concentration of toxic material known to man.” The judge did not disclose if that description referred to the drugs and alcohol in her system, or if she was referring to Lohan’s vagina.
Dina Lohan filed a lawsuit against the judge early this morning. In her lawsuit, Dina states that the judge’s ruling would “prevent Lindsay Lohan from dying in a drug-induced puddle of vomit at an early age, thereby preventing Dina Lohan from earning significant amounts of income based on Lindsay’s early demise.” Dina is seeking $10 million in damages.
Dr. Klein: "Michael Jackson Was A Gay Leprechaun Rapist"
