Mel Gibson Subliminal Rant!

While Mel Gibson’s disturbing, profanity-laced rants have caused headaches for the former actor’s publicist and managers, religious leaders are praising the actor for what appears to be subliminal messages embedded in Gibson’s hate speech. Some have called Gibson’s hideous screaming tirade to be the most important religious message in over 100 years.

Audio engineers accidentally discovered the hidden messages while editing the tape for a YouTube parody. When playing the audio in reverse, they realized that Gibson was reciting various passages from the Bible. For instance, when Gibson told ex-girlfriend Oksana that she “looked like a fucking bitch in heat, and if she got raped by a pack of niggers, it would be her own fault,” the engineers discovered that Gibson was actually subliminally quoting Jeremiah 51 : “43 Her cities now lie in ruins; she is a dry wilderness where no one lives or even passes by.” Later, when Gibson told Oksana that she “should shut up and blow me, because I deserve it,” a backwards playing of the tape revealed that Gibson was actually quoting from the book of Joel : “Then you will know that I am in Israel, that I am the LORD your God, and that there is no other.”

Many religious leaders, most of whom had never seen a Bible in their lives, praised the one-time actor for his bravery and initiative. “Reverend” Jesse Jackson said that Gibson should be honored as one of the most creative preachers of all time. “I can’t even talk dat shit front-ways,” said Jackson, “but Mad Mel brought dat religious shit backwards, undah duh radar, like!” The Pope seized the opportunity to ask Gibson to become ordained as a priest for the Catholic Church, citing his ability to actually quote a Bible verse, as well as his complete lack of interest in fucking young buys.

But for Gibson, the praise does little to satisfy his unquenchable desire to plant Oksana in a rose garden. “She’s too much of a stupid fucking whore to understand the fucking Bible, forward or backwards,” said Gibson, adding, “she couldn’t get spiritual if I shoved a Bible into her bloody cunt five minutes after she was dead from a severe spinal injury.”