Michael Jackson fans in the French city of Nantes received a shock last week while using a Ouija board at a party. Their incantations put them into contact with Satan, overlord of a demon-infested Hell and landlord of recently-deceased pop superstar Michael Jackson.
The fans were initially upset to discover that Jackson had been sent to Hell by Almighty God, believing that the popular entertainer was innocent of all charges of statuatory rape while alive. When they pressed the Dark Lord for information, he responded through the Ouija board that Jackson had, indeed, molested many young children for many years and deserved the everlasting punishment.
While disturbed, the fans were encouraged by the glowing reviews Satan had of Jackson’s progress in eternal damnation. “Satan told us that Michael is now free to do what he loves best, which is molesting children, singing, and dancing. In that order,” said Adrienne Deroux, one of the women who attended the seance. She added that Satan seemed to really be happy to have such a tireless workaholic in Hell, since “many pedophiles stop once they get to Hell and feel guilty.” Jackson, however, feels “right at home,” said Deroux.
Deroux and her other friends said that Satan is looking forward to Roman Polanski’s impending death so that he can add statutory rape-a-thons to the next Olympics in Hell. Satan said he expects a close and furious competition between the two stars, but expects Jackson to eventually win given the fact that he is a serial pedophile who simply “could not fuck enough children, alive or dead,” said Satan.
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