New Britney Spears Album Made Without Human Intervention
LOS ANGELES – Those who once complained that the entire musical career of Britney Spears was due to computer technology will have new ammunition for their attacks. A spokesperson for the singer revealed that her newest album, due to hit stores next spring, will be the first pop album in history to be completely created by computers.
New computer algorithms created specifically for this album will compile various sounds – everything from electronic beeps, to fax machine tones, to random static – and lace them into computerized pop songs. Then the computer will essentially sing karaoke-style over the backing tracks, imitating the pop singer’s vocal mannerisms. The entire production - from creation to mixing to final mastering – will be completed without any human intervention whatsoever.
For Spears, this new methodology works wonders for her hectic schedule. “I have two kids, ya know,” said the singer while on a recent vacation, “and so it’s difficult for me to get out to strip clubs and snort cocaine all night when I need to be in the studio. This allows me that precious time to be myself and let my hair down … or cut it off entirely.”
The new approach works wonders for Spears’ producers and record company executives. One executive, under anonymity, said that Spears “was increasingly too difficult to control, unlike computers.” He added that having computers create the album instead “allows us to actually have a chance of releasing something that isn’t a complete fucking joke.” When asked how the new tracks compare to some of Spears’ classic hits, he said that “the computer sounds more human than she ever did,” adding with a smile, “that hoosier bitch can’t sing anyway.”
What is remarkable is that the computer, though unaided, managed to create songs that feel like Britney originals. Some of the revealed song titles sound very much like old Britney, including Jam It In My Twat, I’m A Little Girl So Fuck Me Daddy, and Screw. The executive said that this will be the hottest computer album since Laurie Anderson.
For Britney, little has changed. “I was never really that involved in the making of any of my albums anyway,” said Spears. “This is basically the same thing, only I don’t need to try and hit any notes correctly anymore.” But for her fans, Spears has a promise: “This album is the greatest artistic work I’ve ever been involved with.”
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