ITALY – MTV’s brilliant reality show Jersey Shore has initiated many cultural changes and has forever altered life on this planet. The show and its cast have taught us all the importance of tanning, the benefits of having promiscuous sex every day, and the value of not comprehending the English language. However, none of the seismic cultural changes initiated by Jersey Shore have proved to be as profound as the show’s cast lying around on furniture all day and night.
In the worthless days before Jersey Shore (known on the Julian calendar as B.J.S.), young people were known to be energetic and athletic go-getters who were always on the run. That annoying and pointless quality of youth was thankfully curbed once Jersey Shore premiered. Teenagers who watched the MTV show thrilled to the adventures of Pauly D, Snooki, The Situation, J-Woww, and Ronnie as they loafed around every day and made stupid jokes.
- Snooki and Vinnie demonstrate the qualities that have kept humanity spellbound for four seasons.
The new season promises even more sleeping, lying around, and stretching out on various pieces of furniture. Executive producer Scott Jeffress said that MTV approved a larger budget in order to provide more and varied furniture in the house. “Beds and loveseats are so the second season of the show,” said Jeffress, rolling his eyes disdainfully, “we needed to really switch things up with a nice ottoman or beanbag.”
Since the new season takes place in Italy, Jeffress promises some “nice antique furniture inlaid with gold” that Ronnie can slouch on while crying all day. He also considered putting in “one of those short Japanese table things that the boys can put their sneakers on when they really need to kick back and relax,” said Jeffress.
Critics have unanimously praised the new show. “There are so many more places to watch the cast sleep and rest,” said television critic Gail Pennington. Renowned critic Mary McNamara called the new season “profoundly satisfying and intriguing,” adding that the new shows ”will probably usher in the next level of evolution in the human species.”
The new season starts tonight.
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