New Yorkers Upset About Lack Of Cinematic Destruction
NEW YORK – A new ranking of cities destroyed on film was released today, prompting a swift and angry statement from the Destroy New York film lobby. The new ranking shows that New York, once the undisputed king of being destroyed onscreen, has had some upstart challenges to its throne.
Mark Guillard, head researcher at the Museum of Modern Art, found that cities like Los Angeles, Las Vegas, and Paris have been increasingly favored for complete annihilation instead of New York. “Prior to 9/11, New York accounted for almost 96.5% of all catastrophic destruction shown onscreen, with only Chicago even in the ballpark,” said Guillard. “But since 2001, there has been a dramatic shift away from destroying New York over and over again.”
Guillard noted several recent blockbusters such as 2012, G.I. Joe, and The Day After Tomorrow, all of which feature gigantic prominent sequences of destruction in places besides New York. Most often, found Guillard, the destruction took place in Los Angeles or Paris instead of New York. “Clearly these films would have based their destruction in New York prior to 9/11,” said Guillard, “but clearly there is a shift away from destroying New York since the terror attacks.”
This angers the New York-based lobby Destroy New York, which has long swayed moviemakers to base their disaster films in New York and level its various landmarks. In a televised statement from an underground bunker, D.N.Y. President Wilma Deering stated that “New Yorkers expect the movie industry to continue to only feature New York as the scene for incalculable destruction.” Added Deering: “We are saddened and dismayed that the movie industry is apparently no longer interested in destroying New York with the frequency it once did, but we are confident that we will continue to be the city that Hollywood wants to maim, mutilate, and destroy.”
When it is pointed out that New York was featured pretty prominently in the disaster epic The Day After Tomorrow, Deering scoffed. “Did you see that piece of shit?” asked Deering indignantly. “You really think that level of destruction is good enough to compensate for the lack of attention? In that movie alone, Los Angeles was destroyed almost as much as we were!”
Deering said that her organization will heavily lobby Hollywood in the coming months for more New York-based scenes of destruction. But even if Hollywood does not respond favorably, Deering has an alternative plan. “Bollywood,” said Deering, “has a lot of ill will toward NewYork. It could be a gold mine.”
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