Robert Zemeckis To Make Mo-Cap Zombie Film

HOLLYWOOD – It was during a screening of his latest mo-cap children’s film A Christmas Carol that director Robert Zemeckis realized where he had gone wrong. “I was watching children scream, vomit, and run from the theater in sheer terror when I suddenly figured out what I should do with my glorious mo-cap technology.”

His solution? Use it to make a zombie film.

Although Zemeckis has publicly stated his intense, undying love for the mo-cap puppets he uses in his CGI films, almost every other human being who views them suffers intense terror at the sight of the dead-eyed beings. “I think they’re adorable,” said Zemeckis at his Hollywood home, “but I’m apparently alone in my feelings.”

So the director is turning lemons into very expensive lemonade. Said Zemeckis: ”I figure if audiences are completely terrified of the sight of these digital puppets, then I should use them to make a horror film.”

But for Zemeckis, the excitement of scaring audiences with mo-cap is nothing compared to the opportunity to waste enormous amounts of money to make it. “An average zombie film might cost a million bucks. But I can do the exact same movie for 100 times that amount,” said Zemeckis, dribbling slightly at the prospect. ”Basically, the entire production budget of Night of the Living Dead wouldn’t even pay to develop the pores on the nose of one of my zombie puppets.”

While Zemeckis has come under fire for his expensive overuse of the mo-cap technology, the director scoffs at the claims of his critics. “Basically, they’re wrong. Think of the amount of money I’m saving by only hiring Jim Carrey to perform all the motion capture!” Although no contracts have yet been signed, Zemeckis did confirm that Carrey will play all of the zombies in his new film, and will even model for various dismembered body parts.

When asked why he chooses mo-cap over simply pointing a camera at live action, Zemeckis becomes defensively blunt: “I hate living things,” he said.

No date has yet been set for the zombie film’s release, although Zemeckis emphasized that it might take several years. Said Zemeckis: “Massive time wasters like mo-cap require massive amounts of time.”