Snooki Pact With Satan Revealed!
Reasonable human beings with the bare minimum of functional brain cells have wondered why Nicole “Snooki” Polizzi of Jersey Shore has become such a celebrity. Critics often complain about her self-absorbed personality, her complete lack of talent, and her seeming inability to communicate at even the most basic levels. In most societies, such abhorrent character traits would justify shunning that person, but instead Snooki has found herself lauded in America.
But new details today shed light on Snooki’s inexplicable rise to the top of the reality show garbage heap. A deal with the Devil, brokered in 2008, led Snooki to be warmly accepted on the meaningless all-Italian reality show.
In the pact, Satan the Devil agreed to provide Snooki with fame and fortune beyond the wildest dreams of anyone with Snooki’s pathetic level of intelligence, talent, and charm. In return, Snooki has agreed to provide her womb as the incubator for the coming Antichrist, as well as a player to be named later.
Snooki is said to be very happy with the terms of her blood contract with Beelzebub, destroyer of worlds. When asked about giving birth to the harbinger of Armageddon, Snooki flipped her greasy, heavily-sprayed weave and said, “Huh? Like, what?”
Satan had no comment other than a ten minute laughing fit.
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