Described as a “fish out of water science fiction film,” Cameron has promised that fans will not be disappointed. “Everything you’ve ever loved about my previous films will be in this new film,” said Cameron.

When pressed for details, Cameron unleashed a few juicy tidbits. “For one thing, there will be a strong female warrior hero for sure,” said the director, adding that “audiences eat that shit up.” But girls will have more than one hero to root for. “There will also be a secondary female character who also kicks some ass, but she’ll probably be Latino or Mexican and give off lezbo vibes, so she can’t be the heroine,” said the director with a wink.

He also added that we will see some new technologies onscreen for this newest adventure. “In one part of the movie humans will be driving these giant robots, kinda like the powerloader from Aliens, except ever so slightly different. It just looks really cool.”

As for the stories and characters of this upcoming film, Cameron had no comment except to promise that the one character audiences love the most – the corporate slimeball character – will definitely be involved in the storyline. “People really enjoy like to boo and hiss at this type of character, so I really try to include it in every screenplay.”

Although some fans might complain that this newest story sounds fairly familiar and derivative of the director’s other efforts, Cameron says he prefers to think of more positive aspects like opening weekend box office grosses and merchandise. “Fuck those fucking fanboys and all of those pathetic bloggers,” said Cameron angrily. “I make movies to make money, not art.” Smiling, he added: “And baby, I make a lot of fucking money with this shit.”

The study results showed conclusively that four out of five sexless computer nerds were excited about Cameron’s upcoming 3D epic Avatar. This is good news for Fox, which had been concerned about stagnant tracking numbers in recent weeks. The nerds interviewed mentioned the high-end, game-like graphics and cool battle scenarios as their primary reasons to see the film.

For Billy “LAN” Johnson, the choice is clear. “Cameron knows how to really tweak CGI so it doesn’t look so fake,” said Johnson excitedly, accidentally spitting out his retainer. Johnson, like most participants, balked at being classified as “sexless,” since, as he claims, he masturbates to Transformers posters five times a day.

But the news is also troubling for Fox, which has spent nearly $500 million on Cameron’s risky special effects extravaganza. Although the poll showed specific interest in the film among sexless, masturbating computer nerds, the poll showed clearly that average, normal, sexually-fulfilled, and intelligent people had little interest in the film.

James Franklin is one of those normal members of society who finds the whole Avatar craze a bit silly. “Look, I have a job, pubes on my cock, a woman who makes love to me on a regular basis, and I own my own house,” said Franklin. “Why would I want to watch a cartoon movie about giant blue people?”

Indeed, most normal people polled said they would rather go out and get a copy of Ferngully rather than waste their time. As Franklin mentioned: “That movie was already made when Ferngully came out. I didn’t watch it then, and I’m not watching it now.”

But for sexless nerds, the movie cannot get here fast enough. “I came just now when you mentioned the name of the movie,” said Johnson while holding his crotch.

The award winning director of TITANIC, TERMINATOR, and AVATAR has dodged the plagiarism accusations for years. Writer Harlan Ellison successfully sued Cameron in the nineties (it was settled out of court) after Cameron used large chunks of an Ellison story as the basis of the TERMINATOR franchise. More recently, the estate of writer Poul Anderson has raised concerns over Cameron’s blatant theft of Anderson’s 1957 story CALL ME JOE for his upcoming blockbuster AVATAR.

However, Cameron believes he has finally figured out how to avoid such embarrassing allegations: steal unpublished stories. “Unpublished stories by unpublished authors are a goldmine for someone like me, who is genetically unable to invent my own stories,” said the director at a recent press luncheon. Added Cameron: “The best part is, nobody’s ever read the stories, so it all seems fresh and new!”

This new approach prevents Cameron from having to deal with pesky lawsuits and bad press. “I have a vast fortune thanks to my lengthy career of ripping people off, so any little unpublished author would have a difficult time suing me,” said Cameron. “Published authors, especially famous one like Anderson, present legal problems that unpublished authors do not.”

Cameron is quick to point out that unpublished authors need to pay their dues in order to succeed, and being stolen from by “the world’s most famous director” is one way to do that. “Show business is all about stealing from someone else,” said the director, “but just make sure you’re getting the money that they’re not.”

For Cameron, the issue is Darwinian. “Ultimately, unpublished authors are unworthy of respect or other artistic rights. I am a famous movie director, and I will continue to steal the work of others in order to make even more money,” said Cameron, “but from now on it will be the work of pathetic nobodies, instead of established authors.”

Cameron has set up a website to enable unpublished authors to submit their work for theft directly. “That saves me a tremendous amount of time from searching the internet for unpublished stories to steal,” said Cameron. All site applicants will be required to agree to a legal contract that relinquishes their rights to the submitted material, and also that James Cameron is, in fact, the “King of the World.”

Said Cameron, smiling: “It’s good to be King.”