Lady Gaga is a hermaphrodite!

Lady Gaga's new promotional photos reveal shocking truths about the singer

The pictures were taken as part of Lady Gaga’s endless promotional push for her new album, Born This Way. In the photo, given exclusively to Celebrity Freakshow, a seductively-posed Gaga poses with her rear end turned erotically to the camera, revealing large male genitalia tucked discreetly between her legs.

In an accompanying interview, Gaga explains why she felt pressure to reveal her male genitalia to the world. “I am constantly preaching to people that they should be honest about their sexuality, and the whole time I was strapping my dick down with duct tape and padding my underwear so nobody would see it,” admitted the pop star through mascara-streaked tears. She added that she “felt like a hypocrite.”

Critics of the media-manipulating diva have complained that this revelation is simply another ploy for attention. A newly-honest Gaga admits that’s true. “I simply cannot get enough attention and  controversy,” said Gaga, “and I’ll do whatever is necessary to keep people talking about me all the time. I’d shove a leprous pygmy in my ass if it meant one more mention in Rolling Stone magazine or TMZ.”

When asked how she will ever top the media circus spawned by these photos of her cock and balls, Gaga, after a long pause, simply said, “I dunno … maybe kill someone?”

Pictures surfaced this weekend of Tyler engaged in transsexual sex with a young black male. Most shocking, however, was the revelation that Tyler himself was the transsexual in the tryst. The pictures, taken on a trip to the Orient, show a pre-op Tyler mounting and inserting his erect penis into the black boy, who appears to be in pain. The photographs reveal Tyler’s large, supple breasts and curvaceous figure, which he has cleverly concealed over the years with eccentric veils and scarves that many thought were simply rock star apparel.

Tyler mounts an anoymous black male in this exclusive leaked pic

For Tyler’s female fans, this is stunning news. “I used to throw my panties at him in concert,” said Alyssa Jamieson, a long-time Aerosmith fan. Jamieson used to imagine that Tyler kept them as a souvenir, but now she realizes that “he probably took them home and tried them on.” Male fans were less shocked. “I always thought he looked a little too pretty,” said Derek Houlk, a fan of Aerosmith from Michigan, quickly adding, “for a guy, I mean.”

Tyler’s bandmates in Aerosmith were not surprised by the photos. In a statement, guitarist Joe Perry said that “it was about fucking time (Tyler) came out with it,” adding that he didn’t care what Tyler did “just as long as he doesn’t come at me with that weird shemale shit.” The other members of Aerosmith had no comment because nobody knows who they are or care what they think about anything. 

Most fans seem to be slowly accepting the news with a bit of resignation. “I still love the music, and Steven is cool with me,” said 45 year old Natalie Brooks, “although I’m not sure I ever want to hear Dude Looks Like A Lady ever again.”

Fans of Bieber are outraged by these displays of interspecies affection

Friends of Disney star/Mexican Selena Gomez say that recent pictures of Gomez cavorting with pop star Justin Bieber prove they were right – Gomez is attempting to use the naive singer to gain citizenship in the United States.

The photos that have shocked Bieber’s fanbase feature Gomez and Bieber frolicking on a yacht together in the Caribbean. In several pictures, an underaged Bieber can be seen touching the slippery Mexican backside of Gomez, who returns the affection by cupping Bieber’s hairless, underdeveloped genitalia. Fans have been so outraged by the pictures that they have sent death threats to Gomez by way of the American Embassy in her hometown of Mexico City.

Fans insist that their anger is not directed toward Bieber, who is completely innocent given the fact that he came out as a homosexual several months ago and has no interest in females like Gomez. Rather, their concern stems from the obvious fact that Gomez is trying to gain citizenship. “We don’t want that Mexican Jezebel in our country,” said Tonya Lovelace, head of the newly-formed Americans For Bieber and Against Mexican Whores. Lovelace added that “Justin’s child-like innocence will not enable him to see what’s really going on.”

In this file photo, Selena Gomez escapes to U.S. through drainage pipe

What’s really going on, friends of Gomez insist, is a carefully-constructed plot to seduce the young tween star and convince him to marry her. Speaking on the condition of anonymity, one close associate of Gomez said that she “intends to move in carefully and slowly,” adding that, after a few months of sexless flirting, Gomez will “strap on a dildo and give Bieber so much pleasure that he will give into any demand.” Her friends insist that this has been in the planning for years. “Ever since she crawled across the border through that drainage pipe, she has been talking about marrying a rich American homosexual who can make her legal,” said one anonymous source.

Despite the controversies surrounding this offensive and illegal coupling, Bieber’s mother remains optimistic. “I just hope Justin doesn’t turn gay permanently after getting a whiff of Mexican vagina,” she said, “although it might be nice to have some authentic burritos for dinner for once.” Roscoe Jenkins, Bieber’s longtime homosexual top, said that the pairing “made him sick to his stomach,’ adding that “the only thing worse than two men ass-fucking is sex with a Mexican.”

Singer songwriter Taylor Swift accepts a giant glass dildo as her award for helping gay actors to remain in the closet.

SAN FRANCISCO – Singer/songwriter Taylor Swift has been collecting more than music awards during her meteoric rise to pop stardom. Last night Swift accepted an award for her charitable work with gay male celebrities at the annual GLBT awards, which was marked by a star-studded ceremony at Steamworks, a bathhouse in downtown San Francisco.

Swift won “Best Beard” in the competition, besting Leann Rimes in a close decision. The 20 year old has swiftly become the beard of choice among gay male celebrities anxious to disguise their homosexuality in order to protect their movie career. Swift made waves in the gossip community earlier in the year when she dated openly gay actor Taylor Lautner of the Twilight movie series. By year’s end, Swift had attached herself to deeply-closeted homosexual actor Jake Gyllenhaal.

High ranking members of the GLBT community praised the award, citing Swift’s uncanny ability to sell a platonic, girlfriend-like relationship with the men as real heterosexual romances. President Dill Doe said that Swift “truly seemed like she was in love with Taylor (Lautner) and Jake, draping herself all over them and smiling a lot.” Doe said Swift’s ability to feign sexual attraction to gay men ”rivaled the best Meryl Streep performance, including that dingo movie.”

In this amateur snapshot, a discarded Swift looks forlorn as Gyllenhaal hits on a gay guy during one of their dates.

Gossip bloggers feel Swift has an advantage over other celebrity beards because she has the body and mind of a ten year old boy, which allows the actor in question to more easily fake an attraction to the singer and imply a heterosexual love interest. And, while gay actors like Lautner and Gyllenhaal gain sexual anonymity from “dating” Swift, the singer does not go unrewarded. As it happened last year when the gay Joe Jonas broke up with her, Swift often uses the eventual breakup of her sham relationships as fodder for hit singles about heartbreak.

When accepting her award, Swift thanked both Lautner and Gyllenhaal for “their unwavering support as my best friends,” adding that she looked forward to a “sleepover” with both actors and a bunch of other girls. As for her future plans, Swift coyly indicated that, after Gyllenhaal dumps her, she has her squinty eyes set on “a couple of cast members in Glee.”

As these exclusive pictures show, Bieber enjoys the close companionship of a larger black man named Roscoe Jenkins who functions as both his bodyguard and sexual top.

As Bieber said in a world-exclusive email interview, he has been carrying on an intimate relationship with Roscoe ever since he first became famous. “Roscoe has been my bodyguard and my gay lover for two years,” said Bieber. Multiple pictures have surfaced of the pair cavorting around together, often with Bieber draped in Roscoe’s loving arms. Bieber said that he “never knew true love until he was held and violated by a black man.”

Justin and Roscoe made their relationship known last month with this public display of affection.

The pair went public last month when this photograph was taken of the two cuddling in each other’s arms at a concert. Shocked fans were reduced to heavy sobbing as they realized that their gorgeous teen heartthrob was really the bottom bitch for a 360 pound black man.

Bieber’s mother, currently being investigated for child endangerment, told Celebrity Freakshow that she had no idea that her mop-haired son was sexually servicing a well-hung Negro male. “I just want him to be happy,” said the negligent mother, “and apparently black dick makes Justin very, very happy.”

Rumors are swirling that the pair will soon become engaged to be married in whatever state allows gay marriage that particular month. Close associates of the pair say that, while Roscoe is ready to get married tomorrow, Justin is waiting anxiously for Roscoe to get an actual job and “stop being a broke-ass nigga.” Friends expect a long engagement.

Now the pint-size, button-nosed singer is attempting to eradicate his homosexual leanings with a controversial conversion therapy technique known as “making out with women.” The process, advocated by gay conversion groups such as the National Association for Research and Therapy of Homosexuality (NARTH), involves suspected gays socializing and becoming intimate with women in order to stimulate proper thoughts in the minds of openly gay men.

Last week, Bieber showed up at a Hooters in Canada for a surprise test of his ability to control his homosexuality. Hooters, which is a well-known restaurant chain famous for its sex appeal to heterosexual men, was chosen as the perfect place for Bieber to stimulate proper sexual thoughts and perhaps even get an erection for a female.

Justin, dressed in black, can barely contain his disgust as he touches scantily-clad women

Unfortunately, the test was unsuccessful. Bieber arrived dressed head-to-toe in black, openly demonstrating his lack of desire for female attention. Several of the waitresses expressed how, during the picture-taking process, Bieber often seemed agitated whenever he was forced to touch one of them, and in between shoots would go over and talk to a heterosexual male sitting at one of the booths. They eventually left together.

Bieber and Villegas attempt kissing to cure him. Bieber vomited shortly after these pics were taken.

Over the weekend Bieber made another valiant attempt to become attracted to girls when he tried to make out with Jasmine Villegas, another teen singer currently on tour with Bieber. After crawling into the back of a Honda, Bieber gave Villegas several quick pecks before hunching over and vomiting onto the floorboards. Villegas said that the experience was “one of the most humiliating experiences of my life.” She also added that “the huge sums of money paid to me by (Justin) to kiss him made it all worthwhile.”

These first failures are common, says Pastor Jonathan Russell of NARTH. “Women are disgusting creatures, so it’s natural for men to be revolted by the thought of kissing them or touching them intimately,” said Russell while clutching a copy of Enormous Dicks Vol. 4. Russell said that, if Bieber continues with the program, he can expect to be cured of his homosexuality within six to eight months.

Bieber’s representative did not return calls from Celebrity Freakshow regarding this story. They did not provide any details as to how this change might affect Bieber’s upcoming biography, which, as we exclusively reported last month, details Bieber’s experiences with homosexual sex.

Private photographs leaked to The Enquirer show Poppycock engaged in various heterosexual sex acts with many different women. The photos paint a much different picture of the operatic Poppycock, who was widely assumed to be completely and utterly gay. In fact, Poppycock himself often pushed the idea of his homosexuality, presumably to further his career.

In a tense statement released today, Poppycock came clean about his heterosexual life. “I’m as straight as a two dollar bill, darling,” said the singer. He added that “there’s nothing I love more than pussy! I wish it would rain vaginas all day and night because I simply cannot get enough!” When asked why he pretended to be gay, Poppycock said that “being perceived gay is the best way to get attention and become successful, of course.”

For many Poppycock fans, the stunning announcement has ruined the fantasy. “I thought of him like a really super gay best friend,” said Allison Davis, a fan who came to every taping of America’s Got Talent, “and now that he’s straight, it kind of makes me sick to my stomach.” Davis said that she has not seen the startling photographs of Poppycock engaged in heterosexual sex. “How could I look at that, or even want to see something like that?” asked Davis.

As for Poppycock’s career, most critics agree that this latest scandal will only hurt Poppycock’s chances. “Being a totally flamboyant, dick-craving fag was Poppycock’s whole act,” said Gail Mavis of T.V. Guide, “and without that, Poppycock is nothing more than a creepy straight guy in drag.”

Justin Bieber at VMA awards clutching his favorite book.

Bullies who once called playmate Justin Bieber a “cock-sucking bitch-ass gayface” will have another name for the teen sensation: Pulitzer prize winning author.

The singing and dancing phenomenon will add “award-winning writer” to his resume when his upcoming illustrated autobiography Justin Bieber: First Step 2 Forever: My Story hits stores worldwide later this fall. The book, penned by the 16 year old mop-haired crooner, will detail all of the exciting events that have occurred already in his short life.

Celebrity Freakshow obtained some of the juicier excerpts from the book:

“Sometimes I like to, like, put milk on my Froot Loops and, like, sometimes I don’t. It just depends on my mood, girl.”

“I like girls and stuff, but mostly girls. Stuff’s cool, though, too. You know? It’s the best when girls like stuff, too. Know what I mean, girl?”

“That’s crazy cool and whatever, but I’m like, really cool on whatever my girl likes. It’s like awesome and stuff when a girl and I like stuff together.”

“Being with a girl is neat and stuff, because I get really happy inside and, like, butterflies are in my tummy and stuff. But I like being with boys, too, and that’s cool, because that makes my dick get hard as a rock, girl.”

Accompanying the riveting text are pictures drawn by Justin himself, many of which shed light on Justin’s words. Here is one released by HarperCollins that shows “Justin’s psychological state after he bottomed for the first time,” said Bieber’s publicist.

Justin Bieber drew this after being the anal receptive partner in gay sex, said his publicist.

Pulitzer officials released a statement about the book, saying that they have already given it their non-fiction award for the year despite the fact that it has yet to be published. They explained the hasty awarding as “necessary considering the brilliance of the prose and the profound meaning of the text on the lives of America’s youth.”

The book will hit stores in October.

The show, about a Glee Club in an Ohio high school, has fueled the most buzz among new series this season. The all-gay cast sing and dance their way through each episode’s interminable running time, much to the delight and admiration of fans around the world.

And those fans are, according to this new poll, mostly homosexual. While musicals have always been a staple favorite of homosexuals everywhere, their tastes – like their lifestyles – have been neatly tucked away out of sight. That is, until now. Glee seems to have galvanized the homosexual community in a way that hasn’t been seen since the Village People craze of the latter three months of 1978.

While not all of Glee’s fanbase are homosexual, the poll reveals that any heterosexual stragglers will soon be converting to the other team. One in five identified themselves as straight, but also mentioned that they are now curious after seeing lithe, fresh-faced young men singing and dancing like women.

Lesbians were not polled for this survey since they hate everything anyway.

The gay trailblazer spoke at a conference yesterday promoting yet another in his series of videos. The newest one, Sweating To The Grave, features morbidly obese elderly people attempting to dance while confined to their deathbed. Simmons claims this newest video will “allow people to die with their multiple chins up, knowing they never gave up on their weight loss goals.”

During the news conference, Simmons was quick to emphasize that he is still very much gay. “In fact, I’m gayer than I’ve ever been in my life,” said Simmons, cackling wildly. After dancing around the podium for ten minutes, Simmons proved his point by pulling down his famous striped shorts and showing everyone in attendance his anus, which resembled partially-digested roast beef strips dangling out of a balloon hole. In a slightly less awkward moment, Simmons blurted out that he currently does not have a significant other, “unless by ‘other’ you mean venereal diseases. In that case, I have several,” said the weight loss guru.

When asked if he ever loved a woman, Simmons smiled and said, “I love every woman who has purchased one of my videos!” When asked if he would ever consider having sex with a woman, Simmons nearly fainted before throwing up on himself. Once recovered, Simmons reinforced the fact that he prefers the cock “all day every day.” He also added that the species of cock is immaterial, “just as long as it shoots that warm love ooze right down my throat and all over my face,” said Simmons.

Simmons’ parents released a statement following the conference, in which they apologized to humanity for unleashing their flaming son on the world.