Filmmaker Scott Blublech, best known for scintillating  low-budget sequels like 2 GIRLS 1 CUP 2: BEYOND THE SPLATTERDOME and GRASS: STILL GROWING, has decided to merge his filmmaking prowess with his lifelong interest in trilogies. Blublech is currently putting the finishing touches on his three-part masterwork, THREESOME: THE COSMIC IMPORTANCE OF TRILOGIES.

Blublech makes few bones about his feelings for trilogies in film. “Before trilogies, audiences would sit and stare at the screen and be forced to absorb radically new information for two entire hours,” said the director at a media luncheon. “Trilogies allowed audiences to keep coming back to familiar surroundings and characters, which put them at ease with the moviegoing experience.”

Blublech’s documentaries trace the development of the trilogy, from its unformed beginnings in the Keystone Cops and Thin Man series of films, through the mild sequalitis of the late sixties/early seventies, and into the golden age of full-blown trilogies that Blublech credits to George Lucas. Says Blublech: “Lucas created the modern-day version of the trilogy, complete with repetitive stories, lackadaisical performances, and diminishing returns.”

One person sure to disagree with Blublech’s documentary series is Charles “Gawain” Sheller, president of the J.R.R. Tolkien Appreciation Society of Havenwood Court in southern Springfield County, Illinois. In his mind, Tolkien properly deserves the credit rather than Lucas. “Gimme a break. Tolkien had invented the trilogy and then diedbefore Lucas even thought it up!” said Sheller from his home, which is half-buried in a hill outside Springfield County. Sheller says he has plans to protest all three parts of Blublech’s documentary with the help of his Society, which consists of Sheller, his younger brother, and a dark haired woman in heavy pancake makeup. Sheller intends to recruit other like-minded individuals from the imdb message boards.

Such protests do not faze Blublech’s love of the trilogy. “Trilogies are controversial, for sure,” said Blublech, “but they keep our favorite stories going long after they’ve officially finished.” According to Blublech, trilogies alone are responsible for Hollywood remaining an entertainment force in the 21st century. “We would have run out of movies a long time ago had it not been for trilogies. Think about how many movies might not have been made if writers had to keep thinking up new stories all the time. It’s definitely not easy to keep being creative all the time. Trilogies allow both writers and audiences to rest and relax with something familiar and comforting.”

Blublech gives some examples. “Think about SPIDERMAN, for example. Had we not been given two more movies, we would not have known about Mary Jane’s amazing ability to sing, or Peter Parker’s disco dancing skills. Another example would be the STAR WARS trilogy, and how, by the end of it, everyone was shown to be related to everyone … we would never have known that had the other two films never been made!”

Many Hollywood executives have praised Blublech’s documentaries for providing the compelling reasons why trilogies have been so important to cinema and the fabric of society. Added Twentieth Century Fox CEO Jim Gianopoulos: “The people who say that we [studio heads] create trilogies in order to squeeze more profit from a successful film are not hearing Blublech’s message. As Blublech says in this series of films, we make trilogies because they successfully transmit our cultural values generationally, as do merchandising tie-ins and DVD sales.”

Each one of Blublech’s documentaries in the series will be theatrically released in each successive March, with a DVD run the following November in order to “nab Christmas sales,” according to Blublech, as well as boost chances of Oscar contention. In addition, Blublech is working with Peter Jackson on a special edition set of the films, with, according to Blublech, ”buttloads of crap and random shots and stuff” that will go on sale exactly one year after the release of the last film on DVD.  This will, according to Blublech, “really squeeze the last penny out of those stupid bastards.”

Creator George Lucas announced today that his production company, Lucasfilm, is gearing up to return STAR WARS to a movie screen near you. The proposed new trilogy, entitled THE HOTH TRILOGY, will chronicle the years between the films THE EMPIRE STRIKES BACK and RETURN OF THE JEDI.

Lucas stated that the trilogy is one the fans demanded of him. “I’m so sick of doing STAR WARS films, but the fans demand it of me,” said Lucas at his Encino ranch. “The letters have been pouring in asking for more information about what happened on Hoth after the rebels abandoned it.”

Setting this new trilogy of films on Hoth might seem like  a surprising one, given the fact that EMPIRE shows it as an uninhabitable ball of ice.  But Lucas insists that Hoth presents a wealth of amazing stories just dying to be told. “People don’t realize that there are things that happened on Hoth after the rebels left. Like that ice monster, for instance. How did it survive with only one arm? These are the things that we will explore in greater digital detail.”

Fans of the long-running series can also expect to see a few old favorites. Lucas promises not only a return of the snowbeast, but also a certain flying blue friend. “The STAR WARS universe is incredibly small, and that allows us to tie these stories and characters together so easily. It’s like poetry, and it needs to rhyme,” said Lucas cryptically. “In the Hoth series, we will learn how Watto ended up on a barren ice cube in space after the events of the prequel trilogy. I also think there will be a lot of spaceships landing and taking off.”

However, the harsh environments of Hoth will not dull the cherished humor of the beloved series. Lucas promises many more hilarious hijinks in outer space. “The prequel trilogy showed that fans were hungry for more fun and slapstick in STAR WARS,” added Lucas, his jowls jiggling excitedly. Without giving anything away, Lucas mischievously hinted that “ice monsters get gassy, too.”

In addition to the films, Lucas is planning a radical promotional campaign to push sales to the limit. Most creatively, Lucas has invented what he calls “napkin adventures.” According to Lucas, the new invention will be a regular set of dinner napkins, each printed with part of the continuing Hoth saga. Napkin users can read exciting adventures while they wipe various orifices. The idea, says Lucas, came from his adopted son Jett, who suffers from a mentally-debilitating sort of palsy. “Jett comes up with great ideas all the time,” says the proud father. “For instance, his learning disabilities allowed him to come up with most of the names of the prequel trilogy characters, as well as the entire storyline.” 

As for the proposed art films that Lucas swore to direct after REVENGE OF THE SITH, Lucas is surpringly curt. “That was a bunch of horseshit,” said the director, smiling. “You can’t make billions and billions of dollars with art.”