The film, to be penned by STAR TREK scribes Alex Kurtzman and Roberto Orci, will be a sophisticated blend of live footage and computer generated effects. Unemployed director Renny Harlin is currently in talks to helm the picture, which has a $120 million budget.

“Like the LEGO movie, it’s all about brand awareness,” said Fox CEO Jim Gianopoulos. “People know about Milk Duds from the movie theater, so it’s a perfect merchandising tie-in.” When pressed for details about the movie itself, Gianopoulos curled into a defensive, fetus-like position and refused further comment.

But Kurtzman and Orci are glad to fill in the blanks of this curious project. “A MILK DUDS film needed to be made. It’s probably the most mystifying candy ever invented,” stated Orci enthusiastically. Added Kurtzman: “Who hasn’t had one of those little buggers stuck to the roof of their mouth? Like that, this film will stick in the minds of moviegoers.” The two then laughed at the joke and wrote it in a legal pad.

The film itself will chronicle the adventures of a Mild Dud named Chewy who escapes from a movie theater concession area and wanders through the streets of New York right before Christmas. “It will be like HOME ALONE in reverse, except starring candy,” said a wide-eyed Kurtzman, clearly creatively excited by the challenge of the script. Action is to be the most prominent feature of the film. “Chewy gets stuck in a taxi tire and is driven halfway across town at perilously high speeds,” said Orci.

Action is practically the middle name of proposed director Harlin, who has mastered the genre with groundbreaking films like CUTTHROAT ISLAND. When asked about his involvement in the MILK DUD movie, Harlin replied that he cannot comment while in negotiations. He then added: “I need the money. Badly.”

A rep for Warners laughed for almost two minutes when asked for a comment, finally adding that, “Warner Brothers looks forward to watching MILK DUDS : THE MOVIE sink that wretched studio. Unlike LEGO : THE MOVIE, a film about Milk Duds has no redeeming value or purpose.”

In a related story, The Weinsteins have announced that they are in development on a film mysteriously titled POCKET LINT. No writers are yet attached.

Filmmaker Scott Blublech, best known for scintillating  low-budget sequels like 2 GIRLS 1 CUP 2: BEYOND THE SPLATTERDOME and GRASS: STILL GROWING, has decided to merge his filmmaking prowess with his lifelong interest in trilogies. Blublech is currently putting the finishing touches on his three-part masterwork, THREESOME: THE COSMIC IMPORTANCE OF TRILOGIES.

Blublech makes few bones about his feelings for trilogies in film. “Before trilogies, audiences would sit and stare at the screen and be forced to absorb radically new information for two entire hours,” said the director at a media luncheon. “Trilogies allowed audiences to keep coming back to familiar surroundings and characters, which put them at ease with the moviegoing experience.”

Blublech’s documentaries trace the development of the trilogy, from its unformed beginnings in the Keystone Cops and Thin Man series of films, through the mild sequalitis of the late sixties/early seventies, and into the golden age of full-blown trilogies that Blublech credits to George Lucas. Says Blublech: “Lucas created the modern-day version of the trilogy, complete with repetitive stories, lackadaisical performances, and diminishing returns.”

One person sure to disagree with Blublech’s documentary series is Charles “Gawain” Sheller, president of the J.R.R. Tolkien Appreciation Society of Havenwood Court in southern Springfield County, Illinois. In his mind, Tolkien properly deserves the credit rather than Lucas. “Gimme a break. Tolkien had invented the trilogy and then diedbefore Lucas even thought it up!” said Sheller from his home, which is half-buried in a hill outside Springfield County. Sheller says he has plans to protest all three parts of Blublech’s documentary with the help of his Society, which consists of Sheller, his younger brother, and a dark haired woman in heavy pancake makeup. Sheller intends to recruit other like-minded individuals from the imdb message boards.

Such protests do not faze Blublech’s love of the trilogy. “Trilogies are controversial, for sure,” said Blublech, “but they keep our favorite stories going long after they’ve officially finished.” According to Blublech, trilogies alone are responsible for Hollywood remaining an entertainment force in the 21st century. “We would have run out of movies a long time ago had it not been for trilogies. Think about how many movies might not have been made if writers had to keep thinking up new stories all the time. It’s definitely not easy to keep being creative all the time. Trilogies allow both writers and audiences to rest and relax with something familiar and comforting.”

Blublech gives some examples. “Think about SPIDERMAN, for example. Had we not been given two more movies, we would not have known about Mary Jane’s amazing ability to sing, or Peter Parker’s disco dancing skills. Another example would be the STAR WARS trilogy, and how, by the end of it, everyone was shown to be related to everyone … we would never have known that had the other two films never been made!”

Many Hollywood executives have praised Blublech’s documentaries for providing the compelling reasons why trilogies have been so important to cinema and the fabric of society. Added Twentieth Century Fox CEO Jim Gianopoulos: “The people who say that we [studio heads] create trilogies in order to squeeze more profit from a successful film are not hearing Blublech’s message. As Blublech says in this series of films, we make trilogies because they successfully transmit our cultural values generationally, as do merchandising tie-ins and DVD sales.”

Each one of Blublech’s documentaries in the series will be theatrically released in each successive March, with a DVD run the following November in order to “nab Christmas sales,” according to Blublech, as well as boost chances of Oscar contention. In addition, Blublech is working with Peter Jackson on a special edition set of the films, with, according to Blublech, ”buttloads of crap and random shots and stuff” that will go on sale exactly one year after the release of the last film on DVD.  This will, according to Blublech, “really squeeze the last penny out of those stupid bastards.”