BEVERLY HILLS – Most people prepare for their eventual death by writing a will and setting aside some money so that their family can dispose of their body properly. But, in a surprising twist, Whitney Houston’s grave and tombstone were already finished by 2003. They awaited the untimely death of the pop superstar “from natural causes,” according to her publicist Deeshawn “Pimp Daddy” Johnson.
The large monument, emblazoned with an image of the singer at her thinnest, has finally been revealed to the public in the wake of the singer’s mysterious and shocking death.
The grave and tombstone were completed largely without the singer’s knowledge, since she was usually incoherent “from exhaustion” and “the stress of performing,” said Johnson. “I’s don’ git why God took America’s angel up to heaven like diss,” said Johnson, “but all I know is we gon’ git paid!”
Johnson confirmed rumors that Houston’s will specified that her tombstone would read, “Cracky Cracky Yum Yum,” but that Bobby Brown, the singer’s former crackhead husband, changed the words “because he thought it was funnier.” When asked why “crack” would be featured on the tombstone of a singer who constantly denied being a drug-addict, Johnson brandished a gun and told this reporter to “shut the fuck up, yo.”
Brown and Johnson are planning a cross-country “concert event” with Houston’s body so that fans everywhere can say their final goodbyes “for $300 a ticket,” said Johnson. After that, Houston will be laid to rest in the grave and the date of her death affixed to the nine year-old tombstone.
Whitney Houston, dead much too soon at 48 years old of natural causes.
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